The Best Advice Your Mother Never Gave You is a guide to Finding Love in the 21st Century. Let’s face it, even if you have an exceptional relationship, there are times when we all need Relationship Help. Your mother can’t teach you How to Find Love, because the world has changed and because no one taught her. It’s not that complicated, but we make it complicated by doing what we know, and we are just expected to know. No one ever talks about romantic relationships, not mothers, not fathers, not relatives, not teachers, not society. In the 21st-century we have the ability, for the first time, to create the relationships that will fulfill our lives. With our kids, our parents and our friends. We don’t know what we don’t know, therefore how can we ask the right questions that will give us the answers? It’s your fault, but it’s not your fault.
Many years ago, I counseled a client who learned at a very young age to deny his emotions. His parents were alcoholics and his life was in constant turmoil, which created a highly unstable environment for him and his siblings. As a teenager, he turned to alcohol to eradicate his feelings. As an adult he was given an ultimatum to stop or get out. Fortunately he was able to discontinue his use of substances, but not without feeling empty inside. He became anxious and depressed. He had no joy or laughter so his wife decided she could not handle the marriage and she left. This was a catalyst for him to wake up.
This coping style is what is known as the actor or actress, whereby a person is trying to escape feelings of stress and pain. They would rather keep things light, logical and conflict free. They may avoid the pain by numbing feelings, even the enjoyable ones. These people tend to prevent themselves from feeling positive emotions because they anticipate that it will end. They spend their lives waiting for the other shoe to drop. Characteristics include staying neutral, not allowing themselves to feel joy or sorrow. They tend to exist rather than to live.
Because of circumstances earlier in life, they ignore the real emotions and miss countless opportunities to connect deeply with others on an intimate level. They also do not allow others to connect with them. Because they’d been disconnected from their emotions for so long, they avoid situations where emotions are likely to arise. They often have trouble relating to, or being compassionate towards others who are in pain. They don’t know how to be compassionate towards themselves, feelings are overwhelming and they really just don’t know what to do with them.
If you are looking for relationship help or are experiencing relationship problems, then know that the search begins with you. As Socrates once said “know thyself”. Dating relationships can seem very complicated when we misinterpret the experiences that have affected the person that we have become. You’re not wrong and you’re not right you just don’t know what you don’t know. So you’re looking however find love, find women, I guess he am, or have a look for love, then you journey begins year on page 1. “The Best Advice Your Mother Never Gave You” asks the questions that allow you to discover the answers that YOU need.
